There she is. In the nursing home. My mom. Not a bad nursing home. But still a nursing home. She's 91 and frail. None of us kids can take care of her physical needs. A full time staff is needed. She cannot take care of herself.
I mourn her being there. She is too strong to die. She is too weak to have much of a life. "Why won't He take me?" she asks.
She is the old old. We "kids" are the young old (63 to 73). We mourn her passing. Do you understand? Not her death. Her passing.
We also see that is where we are headed. Unless we are "lucky" and go suddenly. Our kids will say: There s/he is. In the nursing home. Not a bad nursing home. But still a nursing home. . .
Yes. I mourn her passing and the manner of her passing. She fought fiercely today. Anyone who approached her felt her wrath. I understood. Eventually she calmed and began to cry. She asked me if she was mean. Of course, I told her no. Then she apologized for feeling sorry for herself. I told her there was no need for an apology. We held her hands and let her talk. Finally she calmed enough to go to sleep. Yes, I mourn her manner of passing. God, please have mercy on her.
ReplyDeleteLove and Light to you, George and Ginny, and to your mom...
ReplyDelete--Gary
I understand what you're saying...all too well... ♥ Cathy
ReplyDeleteI smiled at the use of your phrase "none of us kids" -- the four of us in my family (64,57,55 and 53) will always be "the kids"...it's an unusual circumstance to be our ages and have both parents... beautifully strange gift... while at the same time seeing their closing years and wondering at the same time about our own...
ReplyDeleteI do understand and empathize completely. I went through this with my mom and dad, both of whom spent their last few years of "life" in a nursing home. It was a slow and difficult process to watch someone so loved in this position. It does make one wonder about their own future.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is with you and you siblings George. A rough but beautiful time.
ReplyDeleteLove Tania
Bless you George and your family, what a wonderful mother to create what a wonderful man! Ron
ReplyDeleteI know this is not easy to watch. Sure brings our own mortality to the forefront. We almost pray for a quick passing or better quality of life. Bless you all.
ReplyDeleteMy 95 year old Grandmother, Marge, is also passing. Very slowly. She is still in her own home, but has help there. Her car keys were taken away 2 years ago and she has slowly started getting quiet, and disgruntled and frustrated and confused. It saddens my heart. It also makes me feel like I had better suck the marrow from this here moment.
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